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Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.'
Bill Bailey
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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Would
Fancy
People
Fellow
Indonesian
Fellows
Dolphins
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Farmer
Coming
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Cows
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Swim
More quotes by Bill Bailey
I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
Bill Bailey
I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!
Bill Bailey
I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
Bill Bailey
I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'
Bill Bailey
Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
Bill Bailey
Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
Bill Bailey
I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
Bill Bailey
But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!
Bill Bailey
Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
Bill Bailey
I try to appreciate the simple things. I've just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
Bill Bailey
The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder.
Bill Bailey
Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently.
Bill Bailey
I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.
Bill Bailey
Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all it's thermal and mechanical functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavors ultimately pointless. Just to put the gig in some sort of context.
Bill Bailey
The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don't have these.
Bill Bailey
This was my attempt to deter cold callers: There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone.
Bill Bailey
Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
Bill Bailey
Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
Bill Bailey
Thank God for Darwin, eh?
Bill Bailey
I got ham but I'm not a Hamster
Bill Bailey