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Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.'

Bill Bailey

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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
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Swim
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Indonesian
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Farmers

More quotes by Bill Bailey

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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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In Unity there is strength We can move mountains when we're united and enjoy life - Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
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The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.
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People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
Bill Bailey
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I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!
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I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars... I'm not bitter at all.
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I got ham but I'm not a Hamster
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Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
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But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!
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I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship.
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I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
Bill Bailey
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If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that's undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
Bill Bailey
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That ideology was never going to work, was it? It was just cobbled together from different beliefs: The anti-intellectualism of the Khmer Rouge, the religious persecution of the Nazis, the enforced beard-wearing from the world of folk music, and the segregation and humiliation of women from the world of golf.
Bill Bailey
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I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.
Bill Bailey