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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God that was a good game.

Bill Bailey

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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Country
Humor
Knocking
Good
Playing
Foxes
Like
Game
Round
People
Games
Rounds
Funny
Fantastic
Running
Spent
Away
Childhood
Scrambling
Kids
Doors
Badgers

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But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!
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Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!
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Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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This shed does not contain me.
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
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I try to appreciate the simple things. I've just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
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In Unity there is strength We can move mountains when we're united and enjoy life - Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.
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Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
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Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all it's thermal and mechanical functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavors ultimately pointless. Just to put the gig in some sort of context.
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don't have these.
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
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