Quote

How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!

Bill Bailey

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Take
Screws
Many
Eight
Humor
Four
Funny
Amoebas
Two
Bulb
Light
Bulbs
Doe
Screw

More quotes by Bill Bailey

Image
The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
Bill Bailey
Image
I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
Bill Bailey
Image
This shed does not contain me.
Bill Bailey
Image
Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
Bill Bailey
Image
If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that's undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
Bill Bailey
Image
I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
Bill Bailey
Image
People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
Bill Bailey
Image
Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
Bill Bailey
Image
So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
Bill Bailey
Image
Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
Bill Bailey
Image
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
Bill Bailey
Image
I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.
Bill Bailey
Image
Thank God for Darwin, eh?
Bill Bailey
Image
Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently.
Bill Bailey
Image
Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you're just doing the odd appearance, you don't know if it will carry on.
Bill Bailey
Image
Work hard, save and live within your means.
Bill Bailey
Image
I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God that was a good game.
Bill Bailey
Image
Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
Bill Bailey
Image
Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
Bill Bailey
Image
I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it's a bit of a long shot.
Bill Bailey