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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.'

Bill Bailey

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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Faces
Hawk
Funny
Hawks
Rubbish
Dad
Humor
Bloke
Saying
Slayer
Face
Blokes
Wrong
Punched

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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
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If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that's undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
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Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
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Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'
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A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says Why the long face?. The horse replies: I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.
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I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
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I got ham but I'm not a Hamster
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But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!
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I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
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I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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