Quote

This was my attempt to deter cold callers: There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone.

Bill Bailey

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Present
Tone
Future
Attempt
Funny
Message
Past
Messages
Please
Humor
Callers
Cold
Pulsating
Leave
Deter

More quotes by Bill Bailey

Image
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
Bill Bailey
Image
I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it's a bit of a long shot.
Bill Bailey
Image
Thank God for Darwin, eh?
Bill Bailey
Image
Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
Bill Bailey
Image
A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says Why the long face?. The horse replies: I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.
Bill Bailey
Image
American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
Bill Bailey
Image
The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.
Bill Bailey
Image
Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'
Bill Bailey
Image
Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
Bill Bailey
Image
Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
Bill Bailey
Image
So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
Bill Bailey
Image
I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.
Bill Bailey
Image
Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
Bill Bailey
Image
This shed does not contain me.
Bill Bailey
Image
I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
Bill Bailey
Image
If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that's undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
Bill Bailey
Image
I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
Bill Bailey
Image
Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
Bill Bailey
Image
How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!
Bill Bailey
Image
I got ham but I'm not a Hamster
Bill Bailey