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Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.

Bill Bailey

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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Funny
True
Empiricism
Someone
Relaxed
Wells
Quitting
Well
Tells
Something
Humor
Believe
Quite
Happened

More quotes by Bill Bailey

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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
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I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship.
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Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!
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This shed does not contain me.
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Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
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In Unity there is strength We can move mountains when we're united and enjoy life - Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
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I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!
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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God that was a good game.
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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That ideology was never going to work, was it? It was just cobbled together from different beliefs: The anti-intellectualism of the Khmer Rouge, the religious persecution of the Nazis, the enforced beard-wearing from the world of folk music, and the segregation and humiliation of women from the world of golf.
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I got ham but I'm not a Hamster
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I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.
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I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
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But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
Bill Bailey