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Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.

Bill Bailey

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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Well
Tells
Something
Humor
Believe
Quite
Happened
Funny
True
Empiricism
Someone
Relaxed
Wells
Quitting

More quotes by Bill Bailey

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I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don't have these.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
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That ideology was never going to work, was it? It was just cobbled together from different beliefs: The anti-intellectualism of the Khmer Rouge, the religious persecution of the Nazis, the enforced beard-wearing from the world of folk music, and the segregation and humiliation of women from the world of golf.
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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I got ham but I'm not a Hamster
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Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all it's thermal and mechanical functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavors ultimately pointless. Just to put the gig in some sort of context.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!
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Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently.
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Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship.
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I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it's a bit of a long shot.
Bill Bailey
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I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars... I'm not bitter at all.
Bill Bailey
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time. I got into a theatre company and started doing stand-up gigs for cash, so I lived hand-to-mouth, but there was always enough to pay the bills.
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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
Bill Bailey
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
Bill Bailey
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
Bill Bailey