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Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'

Bill Bailey

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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Three
Dominated
Women
Format
Joke
Male
Males
Jokes
Walk
Hooray
Walks
Pubs

More quotes by Bill Bailey

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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!
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This shed does not contain me.
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all it's thermal and mechanical functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavors ultimately pointless. Just to put the gig in some sort of context.
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
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Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time. I got into a theatre company and started doing stand-up gigs for cash, so I lived hand-to-mouth, but there was always enough to pay the bills.
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I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it's a bit of a long shot.
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The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
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I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!
Bill Bailey
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A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says Why the long face?. The horse replies: I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.
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Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you're just doing the odd appearance, you don't know if it will carry on.
Bill Bailey
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I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
Bill Bailey
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This was my attempt to deter cold callers: There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone.
Bill Bailey