Quote

I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.

Bill Bailey

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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Little
Sheer
Whammy
Sometimes
Chocolate
Disillusionment
Disappointment
Horrible
Kinder
English
Crave
Surprise
Toys
Despair
Nasty
Littles
Double

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Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder.
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.'
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I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it's a bit of a long shot.
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
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Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.'
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Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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