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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
Bill Bailey
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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Happens
Pubs
Something
Hilarious
Outcome
Outcomes
Humor
Comedy
Funny
Three
Blokes
More quotes by Bill Bailey
The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don't have these.
Bill Bailey
The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
Bill Bailey
I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God that was a good game.
Bill Bailey
A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says Why the long face?. The horse replies: I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.
Bill Bailey
I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'
Bill Bailey
Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.'
Bill Bailey
Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently.
Bill Bailey
I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!
Bill Bailey
The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.
Bill Bailey
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
Bill Bailey
Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
Bill Bailey
This was my attempt to deter cold callers: There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone.
Bill Bailey
Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
Bill Bailey
I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
Bill Bailey
Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
Bill Bailey
Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
Bill Bailey
Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
Bill Bailey
Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
Bill Bailey
I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
Bill Bailey
Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
Bill Bailey
