Quote

I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars... I'm not bitter at all.

Bill Bailey

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Never
Though
Loathe
Would
Funny
Brown
Words
Burning
Form
Bitter
Wells
Dollars
Condone
Well
Novel
Randomly
Work
Humor
Arranged
Much
Millions
Detest

More quotes by Bill Bailey

Image
Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
Bill Bailey
Image
Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
Bill Bailey
Image
A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says Why the long face?. The horse replies: I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.
Bill Bailey
Image
Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all it's thermal and mechanical functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavors ultimately pointless. Just to put the gig in some sort of context.
Bill Bailey
Image
Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
Bill Bailey
Image
I try to appreciate the simple things. I've just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
Bill Bailey
Image
Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
Bill Bailey
Image
Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
Bill Bailey
Image
The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.
Bill Bailey
Image
Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you're just doing the odd appearance, you don't know if it will carry on.
Bill Bailey
Image
Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
Bill Bailey
Image
But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!
Bill Bailey
Image
I got ham but I'm not a Hamster
Bill Bailey
Image
The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
Bill Bailey
Image
I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it's a bit of a long shot.
Bill Bailey
Image
Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
Bill Bailey
Image
So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
Bill Bailey
Image
The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don't have these.
Bill Bailey
Image
At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time. I got into a theatre company and started doing stand-up gigs for cash, so I lived hand-to-mouth, but there was always enough to pay the bills.
Bill Bailey
Image
How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!
Bill Bailey