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I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars... I'm not bitter at all.

Bill Bailey

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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Well
Novel
Randomly
Work
Humor
Arranged
Much
Millions
Detest
Never
Though
Loathe
Would
Funny
Brown
Words
Burning
Form
Bitter
Wells
Dollars
Condone

More quotes by Bill Bailey

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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
Bill Bailey
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
Bill Bailey
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People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
Bill Bailey
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
Bill Bailey
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Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently.
Bill Bailey
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Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
Bill Bailey
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This was my attempt to deter cold callers: There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone.
Bill Bailey
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
Bill Bailey
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I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.
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I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
Bill Bailey
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This shed does not contain me.
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.'
Bill Bailey
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I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
Bill Bailey
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Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'
Bill Bailey
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
Bill Bailey
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I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship.
Bill Bailey
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time. I got into a theatre company and started doing stand-up gigs for cash, so I lived hand-to-mouth, but there was always enough to pay the bills.
Bill Bailey
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
Bill Bailey
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'
Bill Bailey
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I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it's a bit of a long shot.
Bill Bailey