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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit

Bill Bailey

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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Steal
Stealing
Wild
Fruit
Animals
Animal
Come

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Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
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This shed does not contain me.
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People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time. I got into a theatre company and started doing stand-up gigs for cash, so I lived hand-to-mouth, but there was always enough to pay the bills.
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Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don't have these.
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Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
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This was my attempt to deter cold callers: There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone.
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
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Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!
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