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Maybe that's why I don't like religion because the first introduction to it was, you don't get to do that thing you just discovered that you really enjoy.

Aziz Ansari

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Aziz Ansari
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Television Actor
Columbia
South Carolina
Aziz Ishmael Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari
Discovered
Maybe
Religion
Enjoy
First
Thing
Really
Introduction
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I prefer being totally sober myself.
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You want what you can't have. And if someone's being shitty to you, just move on. If someone's being shitty to you, no matter how great they are, that's shitty, and you don't want be with someone who treats you shitty.
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As I always have with stand-up or anything, you kind of draw on what you're going through in your life.
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Yeah, I've been a little down. Totally natural. I'm getting a divorce, but now I'm ready to pull myself up by some G-strings.
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I'm kind of obsessed with food. I like to eat. When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour.
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You've got to be pretty confident that you're good. If I do a show and for whatever reason no one laughs, I'll be like, 'Wow, those people are weird'.
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The four sweetest words in the English language — 'You wore me down.'
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When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses.
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Everyone's first thought is These women are going to take advantage of you or Someone's only going to date you because you're famous. That stuff's not really an issue because that's super-easy to see through.
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Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.
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Let's have a moment of silence for all the chubby Asian dudes that are getting 'Gangnam style!' yelled at them by bros around the world.
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I'm an optimist - I feel like an amazing part of life is that at any moment.
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No one's trying to get with jugglers.
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If you look up feminist in the dictionary, it just means someone who believes men and women have equal rights.
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I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.
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Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.
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I always hate telling my jokes in print 'cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it and they think, 'Oh, so that's what that guy does in his stand-up? That's terrible.'
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I guess after college, I just got really into food. I also think going on the road doing stand-up makes you more into food. Because when you travel like that, one of the things to do is find really good places to eat.
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I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn't, but I thought: 'What the hell?' So I went to an open mic night, and I liked it.
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A lot of people my age think stand up sucks.
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