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This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been robbed twice.
Aziz Ansari
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Aziz Ansari
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Television Actor
Columbia
South Carolina
Aziz Ishmael Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari
Time
Favorite
Picks
Constantly
Robbed
Keys
Strategies
None
Shown
Women
Twice
Matter
Pick
Giving
Strategy
More quotes by Aziz Ansari
London seems to be a town with a lot of comedy fans and people that really enjoy stand-up.
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I just didn’t want to be pigeonholed as an 'ethnic comic' or an 'Asian comic.' I just wanted to be on the same playing field as everyone else.
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My dad grew up basically in a hut in Taiwan without enough food to eat. And within one generation his son in America gets to do a comedy show about whatever he wants.
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What if I couldn't read? I wouldn't be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster!
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Everyone's first thought is These women are going to take advantage of you or Someone's only going to date you because you're famous. That stuff's not really an issue because that's super-easy to see through.
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Whats the worst that could happen?! The worst that could happen is he could cut off your legs and use them to make stilts that look like legs!
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I strapped an MP3 player to one of those floor-cleaning robots. Call him DJ Roomba - little guy cruises around and plays music. What's hot, DJ Roomba!
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You can't say your favorite kind of cake is birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.
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When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses.
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It's much more fun to share and laugh at the bad times and the frustrations. I find you get a much deeper connection with the audience that way.
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Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.
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I'm like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it's like, OK, he's in there.
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I've never done online dating.
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The four sweetest words in the English language — 'You wore me down.'
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As I always have with stand-up or anything, you kind of draw on what you're going through in your life.
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Modern life. Where are we running? Sometimes what we want is not always where we are... Are we alone? Is the real winter inside our hearts? We are all struggling for definition in a world that resists our increase.
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Instead of yelling your opinion, or telling people to shut up, or engaging in this clickbait-internet culture, have a dialogue with someone and ask people questions and listen to what they have to say.
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I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.
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I was surprised to learn that research showed arranged couples tended to be happier in the long run.
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Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.
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