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This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been robbed twice.
Aziz Ansari
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Aziz Ansari
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Television Actor
Columbia
South Carolina
Aziz Ishmael Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari
Matter
Pick
Giving
Strategy
Time
Favorite
Picks
Constantly
Robbed
Keys
Strategies
None
Shown
Women
Twice
More quotes by Aziz Ansari
You've got to be pretty confident that you're good. If I do a show and for whatever reason no one laughs, I'll be like, 'Wow, those people are weird'.
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Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting games, or whatever.
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I'm like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it's like, OK, he's in there.
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I like the brand Band of Outsiders. Their suits are cut really slim, for smaller framed gentlemen.
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The most influential thing was the two Chris Rock specials that came out when I was in high school. I was obsessed with that stuff.
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I can't think of any bank robbery comedy where it's about two normal guys. It's kind of like Superbad meets Heat, which is a cool combo, and it's just fun doing a normal guy that's robbing a bank.
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I was surprised to learn that research showed arranged couples tended to be happier in the long run.
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Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.
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Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.
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Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.
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No one's trying to get with jugglers.
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I write characters that are based on elements of people I know and experiences I've really had.
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It can take a few months to get a new 10 minutes. Usually it takes like 10 times of repeatedly trying different variations of a joke until I land on one I think is really good.
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Everyone's first thought is These women are going to take advantage of you or Someone's only going to date you because you're famous. That stuff's not really an issue because that's super-easy to see through.
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Maybe that's why I don't like religion because the first introduction to it was, you don't get to do that thing you just discovered that you really enjoy.
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I guess after college, I just got really into food. I also think going on the road doing stand-up makes you more into food. Because when you travel like that, one of the things to do is find really good places to eat.
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You’re a feminist if you go to a Jay Z and Beyoncé concert, and you’re not like, ‘Mmm, I feel like Beyoncé should get 23 percent less money than Jay Z'.
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If it's possible, I binge. There are other shows, like 'The Americans' and 'Game of Thrones,' I watch and have to wait a week.
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I just didn’t want to be pigeonholed as an 'ethnic comic' or an 'Asian comic.' I just wanted to be on the same playing field as everyone else.
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Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped...RIGHT NOW?
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