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When I'm dating someone, I have a list called my 'Oh No Nos.' If a woman commits a Oh No No, it can end the relationship. Not loving '90s R&B music is #3 on the Oh No Nos list. Girl don't even know who Ginuwine is.
Aziz Ansari
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Aziz Ansari
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Television Actor
Columbia
South Carolina
Aziz Ishmael Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari
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More quotes by Aziz Ansari
What if I couldn't read? I wouldn't be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster!
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Let's have a moment of silence for all the chubby Asian dudes that are getting 'Gangnam style!' yelled at them by bros around the world.
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This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been robbed twice.
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Whats the worst that could happen?! The worst that could happen is he could cut off your legs and use them to make stilts that look like legs!
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A lot of people my age think stand up sucks.
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Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.
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I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn't, but I thought: 'What the hell?' So I went to an open mic night, and I liked it.
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London seems to be a town with a lot of comedy fans and people that really enjoy stand-up.
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If someone writes something shitty and you actually address them, most of the time they're just like, Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a big fan. And they're really nice people. When you're on the Internet, it's people's first instinct to just go after people.
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You’re a feminist if you go to a Jay Z and Beyoncé concert, and you’re not like, ‘Mmm, I feel like Beyoncé should get 23 percent less money than Jay Z'.
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The four sweetest words in the English language — 'You wore me down.'
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In this era, we have more choice than any group of people ever. When you are out at night, anyone in the universe can contact you instantly. Think about how crazy that is compared to even a few decades ago.
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Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out and hope for the best.
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The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you're gay.
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With stand-up, it's more interesting to hear about people's failures than their successes.
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I'm an optimist - I feel like an amazing part of life is that at any moment.
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The most influential thing was the two Chris Rock specials that came out when I was in high school. I was obsessed with that stuff.
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If it's possible, I binge. There are other shows, like 'The Americans' and 'Game of Thrones,' I watch and have to wait a week.
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