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What if I couldn't read? I wouldn't be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster!
Aziz Ansari
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Aziz Ansari
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Television Actor
Columbia
South Carolina
Aziz Ishmael Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari
Wouldn
Movie
Friends
Biscuits
Read
Lobster
Times
Text
Order
Cheese
Able
Red
Even
Couldn
More quotes by Aziz Ansari
I'm an optimist - I feel like an amazing part of life is that at any moment.
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I strapped an MP3 player to one of those floor-cleaning robots. Call him DJ Roomba - little guy cruises around and plays music. What's hot, DJ Roomba!
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London seems to be a town with a lot of comedy fans and people that really enjoy stand-up.
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Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.
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Come cook food with me and do nothing.
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If you believe that men and women have equal rights, if someone asks if you're feminist, you have to say yes because that is how words work.
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No one's trying to get with jugglers.
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I'm like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it's like, OK, he's in there.
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It can take a few months to get a new 10 minutes. Usually it takes like 10 times of repeatedly trying different variations of a joke until I land on one I think is really good.
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I guess after college, I just got really into food. I also think going on the road doing stand-up makes you more into food. Because when you travel like that, one of the things to do is find really good places to eat.
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I can't think of any bank robbery comedy where it's about two normal guys. It's kind of like Superbad meets Heat, which is a cool combo, and it's just fun doing a normal guy that's robbing a bank.
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Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting games, or whatever.
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You should really treat stand-up like you would a play. It's a one-man play.
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One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid, usually standing from behind.
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Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.
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The most influential thing was the two Chris Rock specials that came out when I was in high school. I was obsessed with that stuff.
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Let's have a moment of silence for all the chubby Asian dudes that are getting 'Gangnam style!' yelled at them by bros around the world.
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To be honest, I tend to romanticize the past, and though I appreciate all the conveniences of modern life, sometimes I yearn for simpler times.
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I've never done online dating.
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You've got to be pretty confident that you're good. If I do a show and for whatever reason no one laughs, I'll be like, 'Wow, those people are weird'.
Aziz Ansari
