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What if I couldn't read? I wouldn't be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster!

Aziz Ansari

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Aziz Ansari
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Television Actor
Columbia
South Carolina
Aziz Ishmael Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari
Even
Couldn
Wouldn
Movie
Friends
Biscuits
Read
Lobster
Times
Text
Order
Cheese
Able
Red

More quotes by Aziz Ansari

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I guess after college, I just got really into food. I also think going on the road doing stand-up makes you more into food. Because when you travel like that, one of the things to do is find really good places to eat.
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It can take a few months to get a new 10 minutes. Usually it takes like 10 times of repeatedly trying different variations of a joke until I land on one I think is really good.
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If someone writes something shitty and you actually address them, most of the time they're just like, Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a big fan. And they're really nice people. When you're on the Internet, it's people's first instinct to just go after people.
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Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.
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A lot of people my age think stand up sucks.
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One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid, usually standing from behind.
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You've got to be pretty confident that you're good. If I do a show and for whatever reason no one laughs, I'll be like, 'Wow, those people are weird'.
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Whats the worst that could happen?! The worst that could happen is he could cut off your legs and use them to make stilts that look like legs!
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With stand-up, it's more interesting to hear about people's failures than their successes.
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Everyone's first thought is These women are going to take advantage of you or Someone's only going to date you because you're famous. That stuff's not really an issue because that's super-easy to see through.
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I just didn’t want to be pigeonholed as an 'ethnic comic' or an 'Asian comic.' I just wanted to be on the same playing field as everyone else.
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I prefer being totally sober myself.
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Most people would say 'the deets', but I say 'the tails'. Just another example of innovation.
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The four sweetest words in the English language — 'You wore me down.'
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Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped...RIGHT NOW?
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I strapped an MP3 player to one of those floor-cleaning robots. Call him DJ Roomba - little guy cruises around and plays music. What's hot, DJ Roomba!
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In this era, we have more choice than any group of people ever. When you are out at night, anyone in the universe can contact you instantly. Think about how crazy that is compared to even a few decades ago.
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I'm an optimist - I feel like an amazing part of life is that at any moment.
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It's much more fun to share and laugh at the bad times and the frustrations. I find you get a much deeper connection with the audience that way.
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Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday.
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