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One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid, usually standing from behind.
Aziz Ansari
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Aziz Ansari
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Television Actor
Columbia
South Carolina
Aziz Ishmael Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari
Behind
Prettiest
Position
Speeches
Goal
Drunk
Best
Goals
Make
Speech
Men
Standing
Ballers
Love
Usually
Bridesmaid
Life
Behinds
Bridesmaids
More quotes by Aziz Ansari
Most of my teachers when I grew up were like older white women. So, I couldn't really channel them.
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Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday.
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You can't say your favorite kind of cake is birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.
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Whats the worst that could happen?! The worst that could happen is he could cut off your legs and use them to make stilts that look like legs!
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Instead of yelling your opinion, or telling people to shut up, or engaging in this clickbait-internet culture, have a dialogue with someone and ask people questions and listen to what they have to say.
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If you look up feminist in the dictionary, it just means someone who believes men and women have equal rights.
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I'm like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it's like, OK, he's in there.
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Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.
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Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.
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The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you're gay.
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Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting games, or whatever.
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I prefer being totally sober myself.
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When I'm dating someone, I have a list called my 'Oh No Nos.' If a woman commits a Oh No No, it can end the relationship. Not loving '90s R&B music is #3 on the Oh No Nos list. Girl don't even know who Ginuwine is.
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I'm kind of obsessed with food. I like to eat. When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour.
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No one's trying to get with jugglers.
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My dad grew up basically in a hut in Taiwan without enough food to eat. And within one generation his son in America gets to do a comedy show about whatever he wants.
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This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been robbed twice.
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You've got to be pretty confident that you're good. If I do a show and for whatever reason no one laughs, I'll be like, 'Wow, those people are weird'.
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London seems to be a town with a lot of comedy fans and people that really enjoy stand-up.
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