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Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped...RIGHT NOW?
Aziz Ansari
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Aziz Ansari
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Television Actor
Columbia
South Carolina
Aziz Ishmael Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari
Kids
Right
Kidnapped
Scared
Aren
Getting
More quotes by Aziz Ansari
This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been robbed twice.
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In this era, we have more choice than any group of people ever. When you are out at night, anyone in the universe can contact you instantly. Think about how crazy that is compared to even a few decades ago.
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With stand-up, it's more interesting to hear about people's failures than their successes.
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To be honest, I tend to romanticize the past, and though I appreciate all the conveniences of modern life, sometimes I yearn for simpler times.
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Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out and hope for the best.
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I just think it's sad that the main places in our culture that we designate to meet new people are bars and nightclubs.
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Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting games, or whatever.
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Everyone's first thought is These women are going to take advantage of you or Someone's only going to date you because you're famous. That stuff's not really an issue because that's super-easy to see through.
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A lot of people my age think stand up sucks.
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Yeah, I've been a little down. Totally natural. I'm getting a divorce, but now I'm ready to pull myself up by some G-strings.
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It can take a few months to get a new 10 minutes. Usually it takes like 10 times of repeatedly trying different variations of a joke until I land on one I think is really good.
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One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid, usually standing from behind.
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Most people would say 'the deets', but I say 'the tails'. Just another example of innovation.
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Whats the worst that could happen?! The worst that could happen is he could cut off your legs and use them to make stilts that look like legs!
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I can't think of any bank robbery comedy where it's about two normal guys. It's kind of like Superbad meets Heat, which is a cool combo, and it's just fun doing a normal guy that's robbing a bank.
Aziz Ansari
You want what you can't have. And if someone's being shitty to you, just move on. If someone's being shitty to you, no matter how great they are, that's shitty, and you don't want be with someone who treats you shitty.
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The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you're gay.
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I like the brand Band of Outsiders. Their suits are cut really slim, for smaller framed gentlemen.
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I guess after college, I just got really into food. I also think going on the road doing stand-up makes you more into food. Because when you travel like that, one of the things to do is find really good places to eat.
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I was surprised to learn that research showed arranged couples tended to be happier in the long run.
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