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Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped...RIGHT NOW?

Aziz Ansari

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Aziz Ansari
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Television Actor
Columbia
South Carolina
Aziz Ishmael Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari
Scared
Aren
Getting
Kids
Right
Kidnapped

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It's much more fun to share and laugh at the bad times and the frustrations. I find you get a much deeper connection with the audience that way.
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You can't say your favorite kind of cake is birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.
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I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn't, but I thought: 'What the hell?' So I went to an open mic night, and I liked it.
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Instead of yelling your opinion, or telling people to shut up, or engaging in this clickbait-internet culture, have a dialogue with someone and ask people questions and listen to what they have to say.
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Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.
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If your job was remotely interesting, there would be a show on A&E about it.
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I just think it's sad that the main places in our culture that we designate to meet new people are bars and nightclubs.
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Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday.
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What if I couldn't read? I wouldn't be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster!
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I'm like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it's like, OK, he's in there.
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When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses.
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Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.
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Most of my teachers when I grew up were like older white women. So, I couldn't really channel them.
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I guess after college, I just got really into food. I also think going on the road doing stand-up makes you more into food. Because when you travel like that, one of the things to do is find really good places to eat.
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Whats the worst that could happen?! The worst that could happen is he could cut off your legs and use them to make stilts that look like legs!
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A lot of people my age think stand up sucks.
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You've got to be pretty confident that you're good. If I do a show and for whatever reason no one laughs, I'll be like, 'Wow, those people are weird'.
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Yeah, I've been a little down. Totally natural. I'm getting a divorce, but now I'm ready to pull myself up by some G-strings.
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It can take a few months to get a new 10 minutes. Usually it takes like 10 times of repeatedly trying different variations of a joke until I land on one I think is really good.
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Come cook food with me and do nothing.
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