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I always hate telling my jokes in print 'cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it and they think, 'Oh, so that's what that guy does in his stand-up? That's terrible.'

Aziz Ansari

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Aziz Ansari
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Television Actor
Columbia
South Carolina
Aziz Ishmael Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari
Like
Funny
Jokes
People
Hate
Telling
Doe
Cause
Feel
Terrible
Feels
Stand
Always
Causes
Think
Guy
Reads
Thinking
Read
Print

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I just think it's sad that the main places in our culture that we designate to meet new people are bars and nightclubs.
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I can't think of any bank robbery comedy where it's about two normal guys. It's kind of like Superbad meets Heat, which is a cool combo, and it's just fun doing a normal guy that's robbing a bank.
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I just didn’t want to be pigeonholed as an 'ethnic comic' or an 'Asian comic.' I just wanted to be on the same playing field as everyone else.
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Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.
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Most of my teachers when I grew up were like older white women. So, I couldn't really channel them.
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Let's have a moment of silence for all the chubby Asian dudes that are getting 'Gangnam style!' yelled at them by bros around the world.
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My dad grew up basically in a hut in Taiwan without enough food to eat. And within one generation his son in America gets to do a comedy show about whatever he wants.
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I was surprised to learn that research showed arranged couples tended to be happier in the long run.
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I like the brand Band of Outsiders. Their suits are cut really slim, for smaller framed gentlemen.
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When I'm dating someone, I have a list called my 'Oh No Nos.' If a woman commits a Oh No No, it can end the relationship. Not loving '90s R&B music is #3 on the Oh No Nos list. Girl don't even know who Ginuwine is.
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If your job was remotely interesting, there would be a show on A&E about it.
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I write characters that are based on elements of people I know and experiences I've really had.
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The most influential thing was the two Chris Rock specials that came out when I was in high school. I was obsessed with that stuff.
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Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped...RIGHT NOW?
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This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been robbed twice.
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Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.
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I'm like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it's like, OK, he's in there.
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Come cook food with me and do nothing.
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You should really treat stand-up like you would a play. It's a one-man play.
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I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.
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