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I always hate telling my jokes in print 'cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it and they think, 'Oh, so that's what that guy does in his stand-up? That's terrible.'

Aziz Ansari

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Aziz Ansari
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Television Actor
Columbia
South Carolina
Aziz Ishmael Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari
Thinking
Read
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Funny
Jokes
People
Hate
Telling
Doe
Cause
Feel
Terrible
Feels
Stand
Always
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Think
Guy
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Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.
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When I'm dating someone, I have a list called my 'Oh No Nos.' If a woman commits a Oh No No, it can end the relationship. Not loving '90s R&B music is #3 on the Oh No Nos list. Girl don't even know who Ginuwine is.
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A lot of people my age think stand up sucks.
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Any jokes I make I try to make sure it's on story and helps the characters and makes sense with the movie.
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In this era, we have more choice than any group of people ever. When you are out at night, anyone in the universe can contact you instantly. Think about how crazy that is compared to even a few decades ago.
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I strapped an MP3 player to one of those floor-cleaning robots. Call him DJ Roomba - little guy cruises around and plays music. What's hot, DJ Roomba!
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Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out and hope for the best.
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One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid, usually standing from behind.
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Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday.
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Yeah, I've been a little down. Totally natural. I'm getting a divorce, but now I'm ready to pull myself up by some G-strings.
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I just didn’t want to be pigeonholed as an 'ethnic comic' or an 'Asian comic.' I just wanted to be on the same playing field as everyone else.
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Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped...RIGHT NOW?
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I'm an optimist - I feel like an amazing part of life is that at any moment.
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I like the brand Band of Outsiders. Their suits are cut really slim, for smaller framed gentlemen.
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My dad grew up basically in a hut in Taiwan without enough food to eat. And within one generation his son in America gets to do a comedy show about whatever he wants.
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If you look up feminist in the dictionary, it just means someone who believes men and women have equal rights.
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If you believe that men and women have equal rights, if someone asks if you're feminist, you have to say yes because that is how words work.
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Everyone's first thought is These women are going to take advantage of you or Someone's only going to date you because you're famous. That stuff's not really an issue because that's super-easy to see through.
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If it's possible, I binge. There are other shows, like 'The Americans' and 'Game of Thrones,' I watch and have to wait a week.
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You've got to be pretty confident that you're good. If I do a show and for whatever reason no one laughs, I'll be like, 'Wow, those people are weird'.
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