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I always hate telling my jokes in print 'cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it and they think, 'Oh, so that's what that guy does in his stand-up? That's terrible.'

Aziz Ansari

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Aziz Ansari
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Television Actor
Columbia
South Carolina
Aziz Ishmael Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari
People
Hate
Telling
Doe
Cause
Feel
Terrible
Feels
Stand
Always
Causes
Think
Guy
Reads
Thinking
Read
Print
Like
Funny
Jokes

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If your job was remotely interesting, there would be a show on A&E about it.
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Instead of yelling your opinion, or telling people to shut up, or engaging in this clickbait-internet culture, have a dialogue with someone and ask people questions and listen to what they have to say.
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I just think it's sad that the main places in our culture that we designate to meet new people are bars and nightclubs.
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Most of my teachers when I grew up were like older white women. So, I couldn't really channel them.
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I prefer being totally sober myself.
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When I'm dating someone, I have a list called my 'Oh No Nos.' If a woman commits a Oh No No, it can end the relationship. Not loving '90s R&B music is #3 on the Oh No Nos list. Girl don't even know who Ginuwine is.
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I'm the kind of person, if I see something, like a funny video, I want to share it. With Twitter and Tumblr you can do that on a mass scale, and people get to know your personality.
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I can't think of any bank robbery comedy where it's about two normal guys. It's kind of like Superbad meets Heat, which is a cool combo, and it's just fun doing a normal guy that's robbing a bank.
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You want what you can't have. And if someone's being shitty to you, just move on. If someone's being shitty to you, no matter how great they are, that's shitty, and you don't want be with someone who treats you shitty.
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Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.
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The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you're gay.
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Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.
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Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.
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If you believe that men and women have equal rights, if someone asks if you're feminist, you have to say yes because that is how words work.
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I guess after college, I just got really into food. I also think going on the road doing stand-up makes you more into food. Because when you travel like that, one of the things to do is find really good places to eat.
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As I always have with stand-up or anything, you kind of draw on what you're going through in your life.
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This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been robbed twice.
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I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn't, but I thought: 'What the hell?' So I went to an open mic night, and I liked it.
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Come cook food with me and do nothing.
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I'm kind of obsessed with food. I like to eat. When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour.
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