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I always hate telling my jokes in print 'cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it and they think, 'Oh, so that's what that guy does in his stand-up? That's terrible.'
Aziz Ansari
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Aziz Ansari
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
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Television Actor
Columbia
South Carolina
Aziz Ishmael Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari
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More quotes by Aziz Ansari
I guess after college, I just got really into food. I also think going on the road doing stand-up makes you more into food. Because when you travel like that, one of the things to do is find really good places to eat.
Aziz Ansari
Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out and hope for the best.
Aziz Ansari
This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been robbed twice.
Aziz Ansari
Any jokes I make I try to make sure it's on story and helps the characters and makes sense with the movie.
Aziz Ansari
Most people would say 'the deets', but I say 'the tails'. Just another example of innovation.
Aziz Ansari
I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn't, but I thought: 'What the hell?' So I went to an open mic night, and I liked it.
Aziz Ansari
One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid, usually standing from behind.
Aziz Ansari
The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you're gay.
Aziz Ansari
Most of my teachers when I grew up were like older white women. So, I couldn't really channel them.
Aziz Ansari
Everyone's first thought is These women are going to take advantage of you or Someone's only going to date you because you're famous. That stuff's not really an issue because that's super-easy to see through.
Aziz Ansari
I just didn’t want to be pigeonholed as an 'ethnic comic' or an 'Asian comic.' I just wanted to be on the same playing field as everyone else.
Aziz Ansari
You’re a feminist if you go to a Jay Z and Beyoncé concert, and you’re not like, ‘Mmm, I feel like Beyoncé should get 23 percent less money than Jay Z'.
Aziz Ansari
Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday.
Aziz Ansari
Modern life. Where are we running? Sometimes what we want is not always where we are... Are we alone? Is the real winter inside our hearts? We are all struggling for definition in a world that resists our increase.
Aziz Ansari
If someone writes something shitty and you actually address them, most of the time they're just like, Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a big fan. And they're really nice people. When you're on the Internet, it's people's first instinct to just go after people.
Aziz Ansari
It's much more fun to share and laugh at the bad times and the frustrations. I find you get a much deeper connection with the audience that way.
Aziz Ansari
The four sweetest words in the English language — 'You wore me down.'
Aziz Ansari
You want what you can't have. And if someone's being shitty to you, just move on. If someone's being shitty to you, no matter how great they are, that's shitty, and you don't want be with someone who treats you shitty.
Aziz Ansari
If you believe that men and women have equal rights, if someone asks if you're feminist, you have to say yes because that is how words work.
Aziz Ansari
Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.
Aziz Ansari