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I always hate telling my jokes in print 'cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it and they think, 'Oh, so that's what that guy does in his stand-up? That's terrible.'

Aziz Ansari

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Aziz Ansari
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Television Actor
Columbia
South Carolina
Aziz Ishmael Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari
Think
Guy
Reads
Thinking
Read
Print
Like
Funny
Jokes
People
Hate
Telling
Doe
Cause
Feel
Terrible
Feels
Stand
Always
Causes

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If you believe that men and women have equal rights, if someone asks if you're feminist, you have to say yes because that is how words work.
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If your job was remotely interesting, there would be a show on A&E about it.
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When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses.
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I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.
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I've never done online dating.
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I'm like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it's like, OK, he's in there.
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The four sweetest words in the English language — 'You wore me down.'
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I was surprised to learn that research showed arranged couples tended to be happier in the long run.
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Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.
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The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you're gay.
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Most people would say 'the deets', but I say 'the tails'. Just another example of innovation.
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This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been robbed twice.
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If it's possible, I binge. There are other shows, like 'The Americans' and 'Game of Thrones,' I watch and have to wait a week.
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Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday.
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I prefer being totally sober myself.
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I'm an optimist - I feel like an amazing part of life is that at any moment.
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Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting games, or whatever.
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Yeah, I've been a little down. Totally natural. I'm getting a divorce, but now I'm ready to pull myself up by some G-strings.
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I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn't, but I thought: 'What the hell?' So I went to an open mic night, and I liked it.
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It can take a few months to get a new 10 minutes. Usually it takes like 10 times of repeatedly trying different variations of a joke until I land on one I think is really good.
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