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Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.

Aziz Ansari

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Aziz Ansari
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Television Actor
Columbia
South Carolina
Aziz Ishmael Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari
Hits
Brand
Brands
Comedian
Rely
Hour
Hours
Comedians
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More quotes by Aziz Ansari

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What if I couldn't read? I wouldn't be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster!
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I guess after college, I just got really into food. I also think going on the road doing stand-up makes you more into food. Because when you travel like that, one of the things to do is find really good places to eat.
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Whats the worst that could happen?! The worst that could happen is he could cut off your legs and use them to make stilts that look like legs!
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Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped...RIGHT NOW?
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Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.
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If you look up feminist in the dictionary, it just means someone who believes men and women have equal rights.
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This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been robbed twice.
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When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses.
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Everyone's first thought is These women are going to take advantage of you or Someone's only going to date you because you're famous. That stuff's not really an issue because that's super-easy to see through.
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Maybe that's why I don't like religion because the first introduction to it was, you don't get to do that thing you just discovered that you really enjoy.
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I just think it's sad that the main places in our culture that we designate to meet new people are bars and nightclubs.
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I can't think of any bank robbery comedy where it's about two normal guys. It's kind of like Superbad meets Heat, which is a cool combo, and it's just fun doing a normal guy that's robbing a bank.
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Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting games, or whatever.
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Any jokes I make I try to make sure it's on story and helps the characters and makes sense with the movie.
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Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday.
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I'm the kind of person, if I see something, like a funny video, I want to share it. With Twitter and Tumblr you can do that on a mass scale, and people get to know your personality.
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I'm an optimist - I feel like an amazing part of life is that at any moment.
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Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.
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You’re a feminist if you go to a Jay Z and Beyoncé concert, and you’re not like, ‘Mmm, I feel like Beyoncé should get 23 percent less money than Jay Z'.
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With stand-up, it's more interesting to hear about people's failures than their successes.
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