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I prefer being totally sober myself.

Aziz Ansari

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Aziz Ansari
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Television Actor
Columbia
South Carolina
Aziz Ishmael Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari
Sober
Prefer
Totally

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Oh, what's this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I'm walking on red carpet.
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If someone writes something shitty and you actually address them, most of the time they're just like, Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a big fan. And they're really nice people. When you're on the Internet, it's people's first instinct to just go after people.
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When I'm dating someone, I have a list called my 'Oh No Nos.' If a woman commits a Oh No No, it can end the relationship. Not loving '90s R&B music is #3 on the Oh No Nos list. Girl don't even know who Ginuwine is.
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Most of my teachers when I grew up were like older white women. So, I couldn't really channel them.
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I strapped an MP3 player to one of those floor-cleaning robots. Call him DJ Roomba - little guy cruises around and plays music. What's hot, DJ Roomba!
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You can't say your favorite kind of cake is birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.
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If it's possible, I binge. There are other shows, like 'The Americans' and 'Game of Thrones,' I watch and have to wait a week.
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This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been robbed twice.
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Come cook food with me and do nothing.
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Everyone's first thought is These women are going to take advantage of you or Someone's only going to date you because you're famous. That stuff's not really an issue because that's super-easy to see through.
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You want what you can't have. And if someone's being shitty to you, just move on. If someone's being shitty to you, no matter how great they are, that's shitty, and you don't want be with someone who treats you shitty.
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What if I couldn't read? I wouldn't be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster!
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I can't think of any bank robbery comedy where it's about two normal guys. It's kind of like Superbad meets Heat, which is a cool combo, and it's just fun doing a normal guy that's robbing a bank.
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I write characters that are based on elements of people I know and experiences I've really had.
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Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out and hope for the best.
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One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid, usually standing from behind.
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You've got to be pretty confident that you're good. If I do a show and for whatever reason no one laughs, I'll be like, 'Wow, those people are weird'.
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Let's have a moment of silence for all the chubby Asian dudes that are getting 'Gangnam style!' yelled at them by bros around the world.
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Any jokes I make I try to make sure it's on story and helps the characters and makes sense with the movie.
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Maybe that's why I don't like religion because the first introduction to it was, you don't get to do that thing you just discovered that you really enjoy.
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