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I prefer being totally sober myself.

Aziz Ansari

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Aziz Ansari
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Television Actor
Columbia
South Carolina
Aziz Ishmael Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari
Totally
Sober
Prefer

More quotes by Aziz Ansari

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I guess after college, I just got really into food. I also think going on the road doing stand-up makes you more into food. Because when you travel like that, one of the things to do is find really good places to eat.
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If your job was remotely interesting, there would be a show on A&E about it.
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Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.
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Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.
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I've never done online dating.
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I always hate telling my jokes in print 'cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it and they think, 'Oh, so that's what that guy does in his stand-up? That's terrible.'
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Oh, what's this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I'm walking on red carpet.
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Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out and hope for the best.
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Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting games, or whatever.
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The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you're gay.
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I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn't, but I thought: 'What the hell?' So I went to an open mic night, and I liked it.
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What if I couldn't read? I wouldn't be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster!
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I'm the kind of person, if I see something, like a funny video, I want to share it. With Twitter and Tumblr you can do that on a mass scale, and people get to know your personality.
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As I always have with stand-up or anything, you kind of draw on what you're going through in your life.
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Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.
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It can take a few months to get a new 10 minutes. Usually it takes like 10 times of repeatedly trying different variations of a joke until I land on one I think is really good.
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I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.
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You’re a feminist if you go to a Jay Z and Beyoncé concert, and you’re not like, ‘Mmm, I feel like Beyoncé should get 23 percent less money than Jay Z'.
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This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been robbed twice.
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No one's trying to get with jugglers.
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