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I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.

Aziz Ansari

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TAGS & TOPICS

Aziz Ansari
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Television Actor
Columbia
South Carolina
Aziz Ishmael Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari
Table
Tables
Places
Fun
Dishwasher
Dishwashers
Japanese
Cook
Cooks

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Whats the worst that could happen?! The worst that could happen is he could cut off your legs and use them to make stilts that look like legs!
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Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting games, or whatever.
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I always hate telling my jokes in print 'cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it and they think, 'Oh, so that's what that guy does in his stand-up? That's terrible.'
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I'm the kind of person, if I see something, like a funny video, I want to share it. With Twitter and Tumblr you can do that on a mass scale, and people get to know your personality.
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If your job was remotely interesting, there would be a show on A&E about it.
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Most of my teachers when I grew up were like older white women. So, I couldn't really channel them.
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When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses.
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I write characters that are based on elements of people I know and experiences I've really had.
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It can take a few months to get a new 10 minutes. Usually it takes like 10 times of repeatedly trying different variations of a joke until I land on one I think is really good.
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You want what you can't have. And if someone's being shitty to you, just move on. If someone's being shitty to you, no matter how great they are, that's shitty, and you don't want be with someone who treats you shitty.
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I prefer being totally sober myself.
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Come cook food with me and do nothing.
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If you look up feminist in the dictionary, it just means someone who believes men and women have equal rights.
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The four sweetest words in the English language — 'You wore me down.'
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This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been robbed twice.
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Oh, what's this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I'm walking on red carpet.
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The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you're gay.
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Any jokes I make I try to make sure it's on story and helps the characters and makes sense with the movie.
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I strapped an MP3 player to one of those floor-cleaning robots. Call him DJ Roomba - little guy cruises around and plays music. What's hot, DJ Roomba!
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I guess after college, I just got really into food. I also think going on the road doing stand-up makes you more into food. Because when you travel like that, one of the things to do is find really good places to eat.
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