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I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.

Aziz Ansari

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Aziz Ansari
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Television Actor
Columbia
South Carolina
Aziz Ishmael Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari
Tables
Places
Fun
Dishwasher
Dishwashers
Japanese
Cook
Cooks
Table

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Everyone's first thought is These women are going to take advantage of you or Someone's only going to date you because you're famous. That stuff's not really an issue because that's super-easy to see through.
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I'm the kind of person, if I see something, like a funny video, I want to share it. With Twitter and Tumblr you can do that on a mass scale, and people get to know your personality.
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I prefer being totally sober myself.
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London seems to be a town with a lot of comedy fans and people that really enjoy stand-up.
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Any jokes I make I try to make sure it's on story and helps the characters and makes sense with the movie.
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Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.
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Yeah, I've been a little down. Totally natural. I'm getting a divorce, but now I'm ready to pull myself up by some G-strings.
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Maybe that's why I don't like religion because the first introduction to it was, you don't get to do that thing you just discovered that you really enjoy.
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I'm like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it's like, OK, he's in there.
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Modern life. Where are we running? Sometimes what we want is not always where we are... Are we alone? Is the real winter inside our hearts? We are all struggling for definition in a world that resists our increase.
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Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.
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I strapped an MP3 player to one of those floor-cleaning robots. Call him DJ Roomba - little guy cruises around and plays music. What's hot, DJ Roomba!
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If someone writes something shitty and you actually address them, most of the time they're just like, Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a big fan. And they're really nice people. When you're on the Internet, it's people's first instinct to just go after people.
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You’re a feminist if you go to a Jay Z and Beyoncé concert, and you’re not like, ‘Mmm, I feel like Beyoncé should get 23 percent less money than Jay Z'.
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One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid, usually standing from behind.
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Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped...RIGHT NOW?
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Most people would say 'the deets', but I say 'the tails'. Just another example of innovation.
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As I always have with stand-up or anything, you kind of draw on what you're going through in your life.
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Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.
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Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.
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