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The more obsessed one is with getting thin, the more certain it becomes that one will never get there.

Augusten Burroughs

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Augusten Burroughs
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: October 23
Journalist
Novelist
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Certain
Never
Thin
Obsessed
Becomes
Getting

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My attraction had been immediate and profound. And it had nothing to do with the way he looked. My attraction was to what resided between his lines.
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Red hair is great. It's rare, and therefore superior.
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I've overcome a lot - sexual abuse, death of a loved one, bad parents and experienced life. My nature is such I not only survived all this but I have thrived. I've always been psychologically ambitious in that I've never been willing to settle emotionally for anything less then what's needed. I've wanted more then that from life.
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Most of us have love in our lives. Most of us love other people are are ourselves loved by others. But make no mistake: you are alone in the world. You were born alone, even if you were born conjoined. And you die alone, unable to bring a single person with you.
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But even with my minimal amount of fame, there are certain perks. Recently, I was at a movie premier, and at the party after the movie, Meryl Streep was loose, walking around the room like a normal person. Absolutely nothing was preventing me from lunging toward her and shrieking Dingoes ate my baby! Dingoes ate my baby!
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I don't really think of my blog as a real blog. It's a lame blog. It's more like my when-the-mood-strikes update, or smoke signal.
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So that's what I'm here to become. And suddenly, this word fills me with a brand of sadness I haven't felt since childhood. The kind of sadness you feel at the end of summer. When the fireflies are gone, the ponds have dried up and the plants are wilted, weary from being so green.
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There is no shame in being hungry for another person. There is no shame in wanting very much to share your life with somebody.
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Not crazy in a 'let's paint the kitchen bright red!' sort of way. But crazy in a 'gas oven, toothpaste sandwich, I am God' sort of way. Gone were the days when she would stand on the deck lighting lemon-scented candles without then having to eat the wax.p28
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My brother was born without taste or the desire to be professionally lit.
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There's never a false note in a Berg novel.
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Saying just the right thing after a considerable, awkward pause is far less effective than saying the wrong thing with perfect timing. I'm telling you.
Augusten Burroughs
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Like cubic zirconia, I only look real. I'm an imposter. The fact is, I am not like other people.
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but I am not here ironically I am here sincerely.
Augusten Burroughs
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I was struck with a bolt of distilled horror like I have never known before. Far worse than suddenly finding yourself walking through a prison cafeteria wearing Daisy Duke shorts and a Jane Fonda headband.
Augusten Burroughs
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I know exactly how that is. To love somebody who doesn't deserve it.
Augusten Burroughs
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The past doesn't haunt us, we haunt the past.
Augusten Burroughs
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I realized I could really become hooked on these happy pills. They gave me a glorious feeling of general well-being and didn't make me fat, like alcohol. I wondered if there was any harm in being addicted to only these.
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Stars should not be seen alone. That's why there are so many. Two people should stand together and look at them. One person alone will surely miss the good ones.
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I'm always prepared for the worst.
Augusten Burroughs