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Because here is the truth: If you want to have a chance at meeting somebody with whom you are genuinely compatible, never put your best foot forward.
Augusten Burroughs
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Augusten Burroughs
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: October 23
Journalist
Novelist
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Never
Meeting
Meetings
Forward
Feet
Somebody
Chance
Compatible
Truth
Genuinely
Best
Foot
More quotes by Augusten Burroughs
I was like a packet of powdered Sea Monkeys and they were like water.
Augusten Burroughs
but I am not here ironically I am here sincerely.
Augusten Burroughs
I never get sick of writing my own stories because there's a certain comfort in knowing you will never run out of material. It's relaxing, actually, to write.
Augusten Burroughs
Other people sound flat to my ear their words just hang in the air. But when my mother says something, the ends curl.
Augusten Burroughs
I felt a bottomless sadness. So completely alone. Like one of my stuffed animals at home that I was too old for now, that sat on the shelf in my closet, mashed against the back wall.
Augusten Burroughs
It's weird - sort of not terribly wise - to take a book that was successful and then change its cover.
Augusten Burroughs
While I liked hamsters, too, the Habitrail cage was expensive. Even I could see that the interconnecting boxes, tubes, and spheres could easily bankrupt a family and lead to addiction later in life. Because, how would you know when to stop? How could you stop? An entire city could be built with a Habitrail.
Augusten Burroughs
I realized I could really become hooked on these happy pills. They gave me a glorious feeling of general well-being and didn't make me fat, like alcohol. I wondered if there was any harm in being addicted to only these.
Augusten Burroughs
There is no shame in being hungry for another person. There is no shame in wanting very much to share your life with somebody.
Augusten Burroughs
I don't think writers - in general - ever achieve the fame of movie stars. For the simple reason that only a fraction of the population reads. But I guess there are exceptions.
Augusten Burroughs
Once I decided to write, to be published, I knew it would happen.
Augusten Burroughs
Stars should not be seen alone. That's why there are so many. Two people should stand together and look at them. One person alone will surely miss the good ones.
Augusten Burroughs
You cannot be a prisoner of your past against your will. Because you can only live in the past inside your mind.
Augusten Burroughs
But even with my minimal amount of fame, there are certain perks. Recently, I was at a movie premier, and at the party after the movie, Meryl Streep was loose, walking around the room like a normal person. Absolutely nothing was preventing me from lunging toward her and shrieking Dingoes ate my baby! Dingoes ate my baby!
Augusten Burroughs
Never work with children, puppies or bulimics.
Augusten Burroughs
I think I love him, but I also think that you can love people who aren't good for you.
Augusten Burroughs
This is what you should know about losing someone you love. They do not travel alone. You go with them.
Augusten Burroughs
Some damage is too severe, some harm endures. And what you have to do is accept it. And by accept it I mean, don’t be the paralyzed person in the bed who is waiting to walk again. Realize, it’s never gonna happen. And find some other way to get around –swing from a vine, get a Mad Max wheelchair. Anything but…wait.
Augusten Burroughs
Most of us have love in our lives. Most of us love other people are are ourselves loved by others. But make no mistake: you are alone in the world. You were born alone, even if you were born conjoined. And you die alone, unable to bring a single person with you.
Augusten Burroughs
I read a lot of science books - I love cosmology, quantum theory, particle physics. So my idea of a great read would probably put you directly into a coma.
Augusten Burroughs
