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Our lives are one endless stretch of misery punctuated by processed fast foods and the occasional crisis or amusing curiosity.

Augusten Burroughs

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Augusten Burroughs
Age: 58
Born: 1965
Born: October 23
Journalist
Novelist
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Stretch
Curiosity
Endless
Misery
Punctuated
Fast
Processed
Crisis
Foods
Lives
Amusing
Occasional

More quotes by Augusten Burroughs

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I've overcome a lot - sexual abuse, death of a loved one, bad parents and experienced life. My nature is such I not only survived all this but I have thrived. I've always been psychologically ambitious in that I've never been willing to settle emotionally for anything less then what's needed. I've wanted more then that from life.
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your mind is like an unsafe neighborhood don't go there alone.
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My subconscious does the writing I don't have control over that.
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You can make almost anything a learning or positive experience. I think I offer a good example of how to make the most out of what life gives you and how to keep moving on.
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This is what you should know about losing someone you love. They do not travel alone. You go with them.
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If I were a serial killer, I would not be the kind that stabs and then eats the victim. I would be the kind that hides in a tree and shoots at the aerobics class.
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Do not wait for the healing to arrive. It will never come. The holes will never leave or be filled with anything at all. But holes are interesting things.
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My thoughts seem thick, ketchup stuck in a bottle. Like trying to feel someone's face while wearing goosedown mittens.
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My window fogs and this makes me feel like there is no world outside of the car.
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Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.
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If you find you require willpower, you aren't ready to lose weight.
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Miracles do happen. You must believe this. No matter what else you believe about life, you must believe in miracles.
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It's weird - sort of not terribly wise - to take a book that was successful and then change its cover.
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Once I decided to write, to be published, I knew it would happen.
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but I am not here ironically I am here sincerely.
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My brother was born without taste or the desire to be professionally lit.
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It terrified me to consider: What if, as a grown-up, I craved another body beside me as still as this one? What then?
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I thought, I can't do advertising any more, so I was downloading all these PDF applications from community colleges. And I thought, I'll become a paramedic. I'll get a two-year associate degree, if I can get in.
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God, I felt certain, did not mind that I didn’t press my hands together to pray. I was casual, but I was sincere. I knew that God existed as the Correct Answer inside my chest.
Augusten Burroughs
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Because here is the truth: If you want to have a chance at meeting somebody with whom you are genuinely compatible, never put your best foot forward.
Augusten Burroughs