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I was struck with a bolt of distilled horror like I have never known before. Far worse than suddenly finding yourself walking through a prison cafeteria wearing Daisy Duke shorts and a Jane Fonda headband.

Augusten Burroughs

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Augusten Burroughs
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: October 23
Journalist
Novelist
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Worse
Jane
Cafeteria
Walking
Struck
Daisy
Known
Wearing
Bolt
Never
Suddenly
Duke
Like
Findings
Dukes
Headband
Finding
Daisies
Headbands
Prison
Bolts
Fonda
Horror
Shorts
Distilled

More quotes by Augusten Burroughs

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Optimism sprouts from the knowledge that you are in control of your own life, not your past and not those around you. Part of being in control is taking responsibility for how you feel. This means not just admitting to uncomfortable feelings but then examining your circumstances to see what can be done to change these feelings at the source.
Augusten Burroughs
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Fact: upon locking yourself our of your apartment you will immediately need to use the bathroom. Fact: and then you will stand in place and watch your door. You will just stare. As though rebuffed by it. As though it has done this to you.
Augusten Burroughs
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This is what you should know about losing someone you love. They do not travel alone. You go with them.
Augusten Burroughs
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I've learned how to turn the adversities in my life into enriching experiences. You can actually gain a lot from adversities and they make you the person you are today.
Augusten Burroughs
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I think I love him, but I also think that you can love people who aren't good for you.
Augusten Burroughs
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My only ritual is to just sit down and write, write every day.
Augusten Burroughs
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You cannot be a prisoner of your past against your will. Because you can only live in the past inside your mind.
Augusten Burroughs
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The most valuable moments and experiences that life has to offer are found only along its most treacherous paths.
Augusten Burroughs
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There is no such thing as too ordinary to write about, whether that's life or a scene in a novel. What's interesting to people, whether it's memoir or fiction, is the truth.
Augusten Burroughs
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The truth about not having everything you need, not being fully equipped or qualified or allowed is that these limits are the nebula of creative genius. When you have total freedom i.e: no limits at all. You stop trying to make the best of things
Augusten Burroughs
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I don't really think of my blog as a real blog. It's a lame blog. It's more like my when-the-mood-strikes update, or smoke signal.
Augusten Burroughs
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Maybe you feel pressure to be positive because so many people rely on your good, fake-positive energy? If that's the case, screw everybody else. You're not a bottle of Valium.
Augusten Burroughs
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I realized I could really become hooked on these happy pills. They gave me a glorious feeling of general well-being and didn't make me fat, like alcohol. I wondered if there was any harm in being addicted to only these.
Augusten Burroughs
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There's never a false note in a Berg novel.
Augusten Burroughs
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But then, look at me. My brain is incorrectly formed, and I'm shaped like a tube. Plus, I'm an alcoholic, a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, was raised in a cult and have no education. So, really, if you think about it, the only thing that separates me from the guy with the stinky foot and no teeth is a book deal and some cologne.
Augusten Burroughs
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The dark side of blogging is, of course, people can be (and are) just savage and uncivilized, deeply cruel and fully unaccountable.
Augusten Burroughs
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I don't have a fixed routine. I write every day but I don't write every day, if that makes any sense. In other words, I email with my friends constantly and sometimes I'll pull out something I've written and save it.
Augusten Burroughs
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Confidence is a reduction of your own interest in whether others are thinking about you and if so, what they're thinking.
Augusten Burroughs
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In the same way that a tornado rips the roof off a double-wide trailer, leaving the occupants dazed and staring at the clouds from the splinters of what used to be their living room, it was over.
Augusten Burroughs
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You would be amazed by what you can give up, lose, or break, and yet still be a person who gets happy over brownies.
Augusten Burroughs