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Other people sound flat to my ear their words just hang in the air. But when my mother says something, the ends curl.
Augusten Burroughs
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Augusten Burroughs
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: October 23
Journalist
Novelist
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Says
Sound
Curl
Words
Curls
Mother
Flat
Ends
Flats
Something
Hang
People
Ears
Air
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Confidence is a reduction of your own interest in whether others are thinking about you and if so, what they're thinking.
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The truth about not having everything you need, not being fully equipped or qualified or allowed is that these limits are the nebula of creative genius. When you have total freedom i.e: no limits at all. You stop trying to make the best of things
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As a young child I had Santa and Jesus all mixed up. I could identify Coke or Pepsi with just one sip, but I could not tell you for sure why they strapped Santa to a cross. Had he missed a house? Had a good little girl somewhere in the world not received the doll he'd promised her, making the father angry?
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What police officer would dare ticket Death's minivan?
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I was like a packet of powdered Sea Monkeys and they were like water.
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The most valuable moments and experiences that life has to offer are found only along its most treacherous paths.
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He continues to smile expectantly. I take a step back. I don't want to catch whatever he has. He is a disturbing out-of-uniform Santa.
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I felt deeply tricked. Stunned. And furious. I also felt my default emotion: numbness.
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All of us are richer and more fascinating and more complex than we can ever know.
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We were young. We were bored. And the old electroshock therapy machine was just under the stairs in a box next to the Hoover.
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Our lives are one endless stretch of misery punctuated by processed fast foods and the occasional crisis or amusing curiosity.
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Once I decided to write, to be published, I knew it would happen.
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I know exactly how that is. To love somebody who doesn't deserve it.
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My thoughts seem thick, ketchup stuck in a bottle. Like trying to feel someone's face while wearing goosedown mittens.
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Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.
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I'm grateful for a lot of things. One is not being a drunk wreck. Or losing all four limbs in some ridiculous East Village bus accident that I was so destined for.
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I came to think that maybe God was what you believed in because you needed to feel you weren’t alone. Maybe God was simply that part of yourself that was always there and always strong, even when you were not.
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The secret to being a writer is that you have to write. It's not enough to think about writing or to study literature or plan a future life as an author. You really have to lock yourself away, alone, and get to work.
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While I liked hamsters, too, the Habitrail cage was expensive. Even I could see that the interconnecting boxes, tubes, and spheres could easily bankrupt a family and lead to addiction later in life. Because, how would you know when to stop? How could you stop? An entire city could be built with a Habitrail.
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Nobody's trying to kill you, Deirdre. You're killing yourself.
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