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I really look at my childhood as being one giant rusty tuna can that I continue to recycle in many different shapes.

Augusten Burroughs

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Augusten Burroughs
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: October 23
Journalist
Novelist
Writer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Looks
Tuna
Many
Recycling
Different
Giant
Really
Giants
Shapes
Continue
Childhood
Recycle
Look
Rusty

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Once I decided to write, to be published, I knew it would happen.
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Even when we lose an arm or a leg, there's not less of us but more. Human experience weighs more than human tissue.
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I was learning that if I lived slightly in the future-what will happen next-I didn't have to feel so much about what was going on in the present.
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The Schnauzer listens to jazz. I listen to jazz because he likes it, and I have even gone to jazz concerts with him, but truthfully I would rather listen to retarded children pounding on pan lids with wooden spoons.
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I don't think writers - in general - ever achieve the fame of movie stars. For the simple reason that only a fraction of the population reads. But I guess there are exceptions.
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I never could have written the screenplay because I would have been forced to learn new software and I can't learn one more thing.
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The most valuable moments and experiences that life has to offer are found only along its most treacherous paths.
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After was better. Before was only there so After could happen.
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He continues to smile expectantly. I take a step back. I don't want to catch whatever he has. He is a disturbing out-of-uniform Santa.
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Decisions are beautiful. They are the evidence of thought and care. Decisions are the polishing cloths of life.
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There's never a false note in a Berg novel.
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I know exactly how that is. To love somebody who doesn't deserve it.
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Marriage is overdone. As long as there are people, people are going to find it interesting.
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And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic.
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You would be amazed by what you can give up, lose, or break, and yet still be a person who gets happy over brownies.
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There is no shame in being hungry for another person. There is no shame in wanting very much to share your life with somebody.
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What police officer would dare ticket Death's minivan?
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Self-pity is the bestiality of emotions: it absolutely disgusts people. When you're feeling pity for yourself, and somebody says to you 'You think maybe it's time for the pity party to be over? You should stop feeling sorry for yourself and try to think positive,' it makes you wish you could saw their head off.
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I think writers tend to be experience junkies, and I think they also tend to want to be on the outside looking in.
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Miracles do happen. You must believe this. No matter what else you believe about life, you must believe in miracles.
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