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She looks up at me, still rocking. “Henry . . . why did me decide to do this again?” “Supposedly when it’s over they hand you a baby and let you keep it.” “Oh yeah.” --Wednesday, September 5, 2001
Audrey Niffenegger
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Audrey Niffenegger
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: June 13
Artist
Author
Novelist
Poet
Science Fiction Writer
University Teacher
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Writer
South Haven
Michigan
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Henry
Still
September
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Decide
Yeah
Baby
Hand
Rocking
Keep
Supposedly
Hands
Wednesday
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Chaos is more freedom in fact, total freedom. But no meaning. I want to be free to act, and I also want my actions to mean something.
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I'm living under water. Everything seems slow and far away. I know there's a world up there, a sunlit quick world where time runs like dry sand through an hourglass, but down here, where I am, air and sound and time and feeling are thick and dense.
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He said something interesting: he said that he thinks there is only free will when you are in time, in the present. He says in the past we can only do what we did, and we can only be there if we were there.
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The cure might be worse than the problem
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It's hard being left behind. (...) It's hard to be the one who stays.
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Running is many things to me: survival, calmness, euphoria, solitude. It is proof of my corporeal existence, my ability to control my movement through space if not time, and the obedience, however temporary, of my body to my will. As I run I displace air, and things come and go around me, and the path moves like a filmstrip beneath my feet.
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There is only one page left to write on. I will fill it with words of only one syllable. I love. I have loved. I will love.
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I look at him, look at the book, remember, this book, this moment, the first book I ever loved
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Mama said, Dreams are different to real life but important too.
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Think for a minute, darling: in fairy tales it's always the children who have the fine adventures. The mothers have to stay at home and wait for the children to fly in the window.
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We are often insane with happiness. We are also very unhappy for reasons neither of us can do anything about. Like being separated.
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I feel that I an everything to her.
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Every minute of his life since then has been marked by her absence, every action has lacked dimension because she is not there to measure against. And when I was young I didn't understand, but now, I know, how absence can be present, like a damaged nerve, like a dark bird.
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That's what alcoholics do. It's in their job description: fall apart and then keep falling apart.
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But you know: you know that if I could have stayed, if I could have gone on, that I would have clutched every second: whatever it was, this death, you know that it came and took me, like a child carried away by goblins.
Audrey Niffenegger
But you make me happy. It's living up to being happy that's the difficult part.
Audrey Niffenegger
we both smile and we are conspirators.
Audrey Niffenegger
I don't want to boss anyone and I don't want to be bossed.
Audrey Niffenegger
Sometimes I'm happy when he's gone, but I'm always happy when he returns. -Clare
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Don't you think it's better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay for your whole life?
Audrey Niffenegger
