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Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself.
Artie Lange
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Artie Lange
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 11
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Arthur Steven Lange
Jr.
Arthur Lange
Jr.
Artie Steven Lange
Jr.
Artie Lange
Jr.
Hate
Ems
Drugs
Cool
Drug
More quotes by Artie Lange
If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?
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Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that
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I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.
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Googling me, you talk about being depressed. First of all there's 18 websites that predict my early death.
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I am not the easiest guy to live with. It is probably the lack of stability in my life.
Artie Lange
Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.
Artie Lange
'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.
Artie Lange
You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.
Artie Lange
I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.
Artie Lange
But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything.
Artie Lange
It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.
Artie Lange
Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me.
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I want to see Toby Maguire fight Christian Bale.
Artie Lange
When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.
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It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.
Artie Lange
A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.
Artie Lange
The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.
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Jason Alexander is a committed actor, he went from working on a show about nothing to actually doing nothing.
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If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.
Artie Lange
Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.
Artie Lange