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Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.

Artie Lange

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Artie Lange
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 11
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Arthur Steven Lange
Jr.
Arthur Lange
Jr.
Artie Steven Lange
Jr.
Artie Lange
Jr.
Says
Women
Anything
Voting

More quotes by Artie Lange

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The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.
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The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.
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I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.
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It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.
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'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.
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It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world
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Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.
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Whiskey will always be a part of my life.
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Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that
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But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything.
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Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.
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Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me.
Artie Lange
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Googling me, you talk about being depressed. First of all there's 18 websites that predict my early death.
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I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good.
Artie Lange
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It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.
Artie Lange
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I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.
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Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.
Artie Lange
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All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once youre laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what Im saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred.
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I am not the easiest guy to live with. It is probably the lack of stability in my life.
Artie Lange
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I once dealt with a prima donna on a movie set. I won't say who, but his first name is a country. A communist country. Run by Fidel Castro.
Artie Lange