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The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.
Artie Lange
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Artie Lange
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 11
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Arthur Steven Lange
Jr.
Arthur Lange
Jr.
Artie Steven Lange
Jr.
Artie Lange
Jr.
Effects
Kids
Reason
Heroin
Recommend
Wear
More quotes by Artie Lange
The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.
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Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.
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Jason Alexander is a committed actor, he went from working on a show about nothing to actually doing nothing.
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Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.
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It's good to be alive.
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It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world
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I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.
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Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that
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When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.
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Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself.
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You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.
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I want to see Toby Maguire fight Christian Bale.
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It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.
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Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.
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Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.
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Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.
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It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.
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At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota
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I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.
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A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.
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