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The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.

Artie Lange

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Artie Lange
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 11
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Arthur Steven Lange
Jr.
Arthur Lange
Jr.
Artie Steven Lange
Jr.
Artie Lange
Jr.
Reason
Heroin
Recommend
Wear
Effects
Kids

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I am not the easiest guy to live with. It is probably the lack of stability in my life.
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I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.
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Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me.
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You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.
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I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say.
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I want to see Toby Maguire fight Christian Bale.
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All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once youre laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what Im saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred.
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A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.
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If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.
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Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.
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I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust
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Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that
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Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.
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I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.
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It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.
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If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?
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It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world
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I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.
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I once dealt with a prima donna on a movie set. I won't say who, but his first name is a country. A communist country. Run by Fidel Castro.
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Jason Alexander is a committed actor, he went from working on a show about nothing to actually doing nothing.
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