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I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good.

Artie Lange

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Artie Lange
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 11
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Arthur Steven Lange
Jr.
Arthur Lange
Jr.
Artie Steven Lange
Jr.
Artie Lange
Jr.
Accident
Accidents
Amazing
Kids
Good
Snort
Snorted
Heroin

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The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent.
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Frank Sebastiano is a real write. He has two Emmys, one from 'SNL' and the other from 'The Chris Rock Show' . The only award I have is an FM-mmy.
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Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.
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A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.
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I want to see Toby Maguire fight Christian Bale.
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I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust
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Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.
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Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that
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I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say.
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I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000.
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I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.
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It's good to be alive.
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'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.
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Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.
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If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.
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It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.
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At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota
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I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.
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Googling me, you talk about being depressed. First of all there's 18 websites that predict my early death.
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If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?
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