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I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good.

Artie Lange

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Artie Lange
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 11
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Arthur Steven Lange
Jr.
Arthur Lange
Jr.
Artie Steven Lange
Jr.
Artie Lange
Jr.
Snort
Snorted
Heroin
Accident
Accidents
Amazing
Kids
Good

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The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.
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When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep.
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I have gay friends, I support gay rights, I have nothing against the gay community, but when I see two guys kissing, I think it's gross. And, by the way, it's gross when 99% of straight people do it, too.
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Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.
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I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.
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'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.
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I was always a thin kid I was an athlete.
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A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.
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It's good to be alive.
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It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.
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I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000.
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I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust
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I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say.
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The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.
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It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world
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Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me.
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I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.
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Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.
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