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I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000.

Artie Lange

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Artie Lange
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 11
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Arthur Steven Lange
Jr.
Arthur Lange
Jr.
Artie Steven Lange
Jr.
Artie Lange
Jr.
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Yankee
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More quotes by Artie Lange

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I was always a thin kid I was an athlete.
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The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.
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It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world
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When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.
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I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.
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The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent.
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When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep.
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I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good.
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A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.
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It's good to be alive.
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Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.
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The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.
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Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.
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Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me.
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But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything.
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If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.
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I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.
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Frank Sebastiano is a real write. He has two Emmys, one from 'SNL' and the other from 'The Chris Rock Show' . The only award I have is an FM-mmy.
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I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.
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