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I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000.

Artie Lange

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Artie Lange
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 11
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Arthur Steven Lange
Jr.
Arthur Lange
Jr.
Artie Steven Lange
Jr.
Artie Lange
Jr.
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Yankee
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I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.
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I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say.
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I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good.
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You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.
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If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.
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I once dealt with a prima donna on a movie set. I won't say who, but his first name is a country. A communist country. Run by Fidel Castro.
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The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent.
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Frank Sebastiano is a real write. He has two Emmys, one from 'SNL' and the other from 'The Chris Rock Show' . The only award I have is an FM-mmy.
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Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me.
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Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that
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I want to see Toby Maguire fight Christian Bale.
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I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.
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Jason Alexander is a committed actor, he went from working on a show about nothing to actually doing nothing.
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I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.
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At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota
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A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.
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Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.
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All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once youre laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what Im saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred.
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I was always a thin kid I was an athlete.
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Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.
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