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When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.

Artie Lange

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Artie Lange
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 11
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Arthur Steven Lange
Jr.
Arthur Lange
Jr.
Artie Steven Lange
Jr.
Artie Lange
Jr.
Time
Life
Happiest
Black

More quotes by Artie Lange

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A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.
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If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?
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I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000.
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I once dealt with a prima donna on a movie set. I won't say who, but his first name is a country. A communist country. Run by Fidel Castro.
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The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent.
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I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.
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Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.
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It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.
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I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.
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All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once youre laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what Im saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred.
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Jason Alexander is a committed actor, he went from working on a show about nothing to actually doing nothing.
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Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.
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Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that
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At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota
Artie Lange
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It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.
Artie Lange
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It's good to be alive.
Artie Lange
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Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.
Artie Lange
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But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything.
Artie Lange
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The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.
Artie Lange
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Frank Sebastiano is a real write. He has two Emmys, one from 'SNL' and the other from 'The Chris Rock Show' . The only award I have is an FM-mmy.
Artie Lange