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When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.

Artie Lange

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Artie Lange
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 11
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Arthur Steven Lange
Jr.
Arthur Lange
Jr.
Artie Steven Lange
Jr.
Artie Lange
Jr.
Happiest
Black
Time
Life

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The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.
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My dad was Superman to me, and in my mind he always will be.
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I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.
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All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once youre laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what Im saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred.
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It's good to be alive.
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I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.
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I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000.
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Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.
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Googling me, you talk about being depressed. First of all there's 18 websites that predict my early death.
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I want to see Toby Maguire fight Christian Bale.
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But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything.
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I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust
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At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota
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It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world
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Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.
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Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.
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Whiskey will always be a part of my life.
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I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.
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I once dealt with a prima donna on a movie set. I won't say who, but his first name is a country. A communist country. Run by Fidel Castro.
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Jason Alexander is a committed actor, he went from working on a show about nothing to actually doing nothing.
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