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It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.

Artie Lange

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Artie Lange
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 11
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Arthur Steven Lange
Jr.
Arthur Lange
Jr.
Artie Steven Lange
Jr.
Artie Lange
Jr.
Life
Cards
Draw
Draws
Gonna
Asked
Fine
Five
Play
Card

More quotes by Artie Lange

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I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.
Artie Lange
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I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust
Artie Lange
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But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything.
Artie Lange
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Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.
Artie Lange
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If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.
Artie Lange
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The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent.
Artie Lange
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If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?
Artie Lange
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Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me.
Artie Lange
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I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000.
Artie Lange
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I once dealt with a prima donna on a movie set. I won't say who, but his first name is a country. A communist country. Run by Fidel Castro.
Artie Lange
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When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.
Artie Lange
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It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.
Artie Lange
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Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.
Artie Lange
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I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.
Artie Lange
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Whiskey will always be a part of my life.
Artie Lange
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Frank Sebastiano is a real write. He has two Emmys, one from 'SNL' and the other from 'The Chris Rock Show' . The only award I have is an FM-mmy.
Artie Lange
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Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.
Artie Lange
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'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.
Artie Lange
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All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once youre laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what Im saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred.
Artie Lange
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I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.
Artie Lange