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It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.

Artie Lange

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Artie Lange
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 11
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Arthur Steven Lange
Jr.
Arthur Lange
Jr.
Artie Steven Lange
Jr.
Artie Lange
Jr.
Draw
Draws
Gonna
Asked
Fine
Five
Play
Card
Life
Cards

More quotes by Artie Lange

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I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.
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The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent.
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Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.
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I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust
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I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.
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When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep.
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My dad was Superman to me, and in my mind he always will be.
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I want to see Toby Maguire fight Christian Bale.
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You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.
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Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.
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The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.
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I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say.
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A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.
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Frank Sebastiano is a real write. He has two Emmys, one from 'SNL' and the other from 'The Chris Rock Show' . The only award I have is an FM-mmy.
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I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.
Artie Lange
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Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.
Artie Lange
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At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota
Artie Lange
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Whiskey will always be a part of my life.
Artie Lange
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If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?
Artie Lange
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I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good.
Artie Lange