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It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.

Artie Lange

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Artie Lange
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 11
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Arthur Steven Lange
Jr.
Arthur Lange
Jr.
Artie Steven Lange
Jr.
Artie Lange
Jr.
Life
Cards
Draw
Draws
Gonna
Asked
Fine
Five
Play
Card

More quotes by Artie Lange

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I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.
Artie Lange
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Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me.
Artie Lange
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Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.
Artie Lange
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I have gay friends, I support gay rights, I have nothing against the gay community, but when I see two guys kissing, I think it's gross. And, by the way, it's gross when 99% of straight people do it, too.
Artie Lange
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I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.
Artie Lange
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If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.
Artie Lange
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Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.
Artie Lange
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Googling me, you talk about being depressed. First of all there's 18 websites that predict my early death.
Artie Lange
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A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.
Artie Lange
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You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.
Artie Lange
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I was always a thin kid I was an athlete.
Artie Lange
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I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say.
Artie Lange
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I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000.
Artie Lange
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It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world
Artie Lange
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I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust
Artie Lange
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All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once youre laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what Im saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred.
Artie Lange
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I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.
Artie Lange
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Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.
Artie Lange
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I want to see Toby Maguire fight Christian Bale.
Artie Lange
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The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.
Artie Lange