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I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.

Artie Lange

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Artie Lange
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 11
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Arthur Steven Lange
Jr.
Arthur Lange
Jr.
Artie Steven Lange
Jr.
Artie Lange
Jr.
Stay
Comedy
Night

More quotes by Artie Lange

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The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.
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It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world
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All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once youre laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what Im saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred.
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The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.
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When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.
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When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep.
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I am not the easiest guy to live with. It is probably the lack of stability in my life.
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It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.
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The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent.
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Googling me, you talk about being depressed. First of all there's 18 websites that predict my early death.
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Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself.
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But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything.
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At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota
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Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.
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Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.
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I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000.
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I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say.
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I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.
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If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?
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You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.
Artie Lange