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Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.

Artie Lange

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Artie Lange
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 11
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Arthur Steven Lange
Jr.
Arthur Lange
Jr.
Artie Steven Lange
Jr.
Artie Lange
Jr.
Historically
Equally
Comedy
Successful
Dream
Life
Pondered
Astronaut

More quotes by Artie Lange

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Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.
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At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota
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It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.
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All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once youre laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what Im saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred.
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I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.
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If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?
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It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world
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I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.
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Whiskey will always be a part of my life.
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I once dealt with a prima donna on a movie set. I won't say who, but his first name is a country. A communist country. Run by Fidel Castro.
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My dad was Superman to me, and in my mind he always will be.
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'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.
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I have gay friends, I support gay rights, I have nothing against the gay community, but when I see two guys kissing, I think it's gross. And, by the way, it's gross when 99% of straight people do it, too.
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Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that
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The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.
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The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.
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I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000.
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When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.
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Googling me, you talk about being depressed. First of all there's 18 websites that predict my early death.
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Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.
Artie Lange