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Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.

Artie Lange

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Artie Lange
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 11
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Arthur Steven Lange
Jr.
Arthur Lange
Jr.
Artie Steven Lange
Jr.
Artie Lange
Jr.
Comedy
Successful
Dream
Life
Pondered
Astronaut
Historically
Equally

More quotes by Artie Lange

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I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.
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The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.
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Frank Sebastiano is a real write. He has two Emmys, one from 'SNL' and the other from 'The Chris Rock Show' . The only award I have is an FM-mmy.
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Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.
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If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?
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You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.
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It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world
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I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust
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It's good to be alive.
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When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.
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I have gay friends, I support gay rights, I have nothing against the gay community, but when I see two guys kissing, I think it's gross. And, by the way, it's gross when 99% of straight people do it, too.
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I am not the easiest guy to live with. It is probably the lack of stability in my life.
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It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.
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'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.
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The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.
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At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota
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I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.
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Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that
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All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once youre laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what Im saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred.
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Whiskey will always be a part of my life.
Artie Lange